Couples Connection Questions
The following questions are designed to deepen understanding and connection in your relationship. These questions can help couples explore their values, goals, and feelings.
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Emotional Connection
When do you feel most connected to me?
What is one thing I do that makes you feel loved?
How do you like to receive affirmation (verbal, written, etc.)?
When you feel down or discouraged, what’s the best way I can encourage you?
What do you think is the key to maintaining emotional intimacy?
Do you ever feel disconnected from me emotionally? If so, what can we do about it?
How do you feel about vulnerability in our relationship?
What makes you feel understood by me?
What are some things I do that help you feel safe and supported in this relationship?
How can we practice being more patient with each other?
How do you express your feelings of love and affection toward me?
What are your biggest emotional needs in this relationship?
How can I show you I love you even more?
What’s one thing you need from me that you don’t often ask for?
How do you want me to show you support when you’re feeling down?
How do you handle feeling disconnected or distant from me?
What makes you feel most emotionally connected to me?
When was the last time you felt truly loved and appreciated by me?
What are some small gestures that make you feel loved?
How do you define emotional intimacy in a relationship?
What would make you feel more understood by me?
Communication and Understanding
How do you prefer to communicate when you’re upset?
Do you think we communicate well? If not, how can we improve?
What is the best way for me to comfort you during a difficult time?
How can we improve our listening skills with each other?
How do you know when we’re communicating well?
How can I better understand your emotions when you’re upset?
How do you feel when I don’t fully understand your perspective?
What is one thing I can do to improve our communication?
What is one thing I do that makes you feel loved?
Is there something you wish I understood better about you?
How can we improve our communication when we disagree?
What do you think is the most important thing in a healthy marriage?
How can we both grow in our communication with each other?
What’s one thing I can do to make you feel heard in our conversations?
Challenges and Conflict
What do you consider our greatest challenge as a couple?
How do you feel we handle conflict and disagreements?
What can we do to resolve conflicts more effectively?
How do we address disagreements in a healthy way?
What helps you feel heard when we have tough conversations?
How do you like to resolve conflicts—do you prefer to talk things out right away or give it time?
How do you feel about apologies, and how do you prefer them to be expressed?
When you feel misunderstood, what helps you feel more understood?
What’s the most important thing to remember when we disagree?
What’s something that always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
How do you feel about confrontation in relationships?
What’s the best way to work through a disagreement with you?
How do you feel about giving space during an argument versus resolving things right away?
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Support and Encouragement
How can I support you better during stressful times?
What is something you appreciate about how I support you?
Is there a way I could encourage you more in your daily life?
What are some things that you’re proud of lately that maybe you haven’t said out loud?
What’s something you’re hoping I’ll notice or appreciate more about you?
What’s one area of your life where you could use a confidence boost?
How can I remind you of your strengths when you forget them?
Are there practical ways I could support you this week?
How can I pray for you in this season?
What has God been showing you lately, and how can I support that?
Is there a verse or truth you’re holding onto right now?
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Fun and Leisure
If we could travel anywhere in the world right now, where would you want to go?
What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve done or want to do?
If we could take a week off work, how would you want to spend the time?
What’s the best meal I’ve ever cooked for you?
What’s your favorite type of music to listen to when you want to unwind?
If we could switch lives for a day, what do you think would surprise you most about my daily routine?
What’s one thing that always makes you laugh when we’re together?
What’s a fun date idea you’ve always wanted to try?
Is there something new you would like to try as a couple?
What was your favorite moment we’ve shared recently?
What’s your favorite way to spend a day off?
Reflection and Appreciation
What are you most grateful for in our relationship?
How do you like to be appreciated?
What is one thing I could do to show my appreciation for you?
What’s something you admire about me that you don’t often say?
How can we continue to support each other’s personal growth and happiness?
Goals and Dreams
What are your biggest dreams for our future together?
What’s one thing you’re most proud of achieving?
What motivates you to keep going when things get tough?
How can I help you achieve your dreams and goals?
What dreams of yours can I cheer for or help bring to life?
How can we support each other in achieving our individual goals?
Where do you see us in five or ten years?
Some General Questions
 What time of the day do you feel the most connected?
What is a small moment we have shared together that you’ll never forget because of the connection it created?
What is one thing that always makes you feel closer to me?
If we could relive one day of our relationship, which day would you choose and why?
If we had to write a book about our relationship, what would the title be?
What’s one thing we do really well as a couple?
What’s your favorite “little” tradition we have in our marriage that means a lot to you?
If we could swap lives for one day what would you want me to experience and what would I need to learn about you?
How do you know when I need you the most even without saying anything?
Role Models
What tv or movie characters would you consider as good role models in marriage?
Who were your role models growing up? What did you admire about them?
Did you have any positive role models who displayed a connected marriage growing up? Share who and why?
How did your role models shape your view of relationships, work, or faith?
Were there any role models you looked up to that you later outgrew or questioned?
Who do you know that inspires you spiritually? Why?
What traits in that person would you like to grow in yourself?
How can we encourage each other to become the kind of people others might look up to?
If someone saw us as role models, what would you hope they notice?
What kind of example do we want to set for those watching us––our kids, mentees, or friends?
Values and Beliefs
What values do you think define us as a couple?
How do our individual beliefs shape our relationship?
Is there a belief or value that you think we need to discuss more deeply?
What are your top 3 personal values, and where do you think they came from?
Are there any values you’ve had to re-evaluate or grow into over time?
How do our values show up in the way we make decisions together?
How do we live out our beliefs in our day-to-day life?
Are there areas where we could better align our actions with what we say we believe?
What’s one area of our life where we want our values to speak louder?
What belief about God or faith has most shaped your life?
What’s your favorite attribute of God?
How do our spiritual beliefs influence the way we treat each other?
In what ways do we help each other stay grounded in what matters most?
Are there any beliefs or values we’ve disagreed on? How have we handled those differences?
Intimacy and Romance
What makes you feel closest to me?
How do you define intimacy in our relationship?
What could we do to increase the romance in our relationship?
What kind of physical affection means the most to you?
Are there ways I could be more intentional about touch or closeness?
What’s something small and simple I do (or could do) that helps you feel loved?
How do you like to be comforted when you’re stressed or upset?
How can we grow our intimacy beyond just physical and emotional?
What kind of connection do you long for that we haven’t talked about much?
Do you feel safe expressing your desires and needs with me?
What fears or insecurities sometimes get in the way of intimacy?
What does intimacy look like in this season of our lives?
How has our closeness grown or changed over time?
What’s something new you’d like to try to grow our intimacy?
What does physical intimacy mean to you in a relationship?
How do you feel about keeping romance alive?
What’s your favorite way to feel desired by me?
Are there any romantic gestures or surprises you’d love to experience?
How do you prefer to be touched when you're feeling romantic?
What’s the most romantic thing I could do for you?
How can we keep things exciting and passionate in our relationship?
What does the ideal romantic evening look like for you?
How important is sexual intimacy in a marriage?
How do you feel about trying new things in the bedroom?
What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever experienced?
What do you think brings couples closer together?
What’s something small that makes you feel loved in our relationship?
What do you love most about our physical connection?
How can we make our relationship more passionate or romantic?
What’s something we’ve never tried together that you’d like to explore?
How do you feel about public displays of affection?
Family, Roles, and Relationships
How do you view our roles in our extended families?
What traditions do you want to continue or create with our family?
How do you feel about our balance between family time and personal time?
How do you envision spending holidays with your family?
What’s your relationship like with your parents, and how do you want that to influence our life together?
What’s something about your family’s dynamic that I should understand?
How do you feel about balancing time with family and time for ourselves?
What role do you see your family playing in our future together?
Are there any traditions from your family you’d like to continue in ours?
How do you think we can make our home a welcoming space for both our families?
How do you feel about boundaries in marriage (e.g., with extended family)?
What’s your ideal way of dealing with conflict in family gatherings?
What’s your definition of “family,” and how does it apply to us?
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Gratitude and Appreciation
 What are you most grateful for in our relationship?
How do you like to be appreciated?
What is one thing I could do to show my appreciation for you?
What’s something you admire about me that you don’t often say?
How do you think we’ve changed each other for the better?
What do you appreciate most about our relationship?
How do you feel about the way we navigate challenges together?
How can we continue to support each other’s personal growth and happiness?
Getting to Know Each Other Even Better
What is your favorite childhood memory?
How would you describe your ideal weekend?
What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but never have?
What’s the most valuable lesson you’ve learned so far in life?
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
What are your biggest dreams for the future?
What are three things you’re most grateful for right now?
What do you think is the key to a successful relationship?
How do you like to be comforted when you’re sad or upset?
What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t done yet?
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
What are your top three favorite things to do on a weekend?
What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?
How would you describe your ideal day from start to finish?
If you could meet anyone, dead or alive, who would it be and why?
What’s your favorite childhood memory?
What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?
What’s one skill you wish you had and why?
What’s something you’ve learned recently that excites you?
What’s a memory that makes you feel connected to me?
What’s your favorite way for us to spend quality time together?
What’s something about our relationship that makes you feel secure?
Relationship-Focused Questions
What was your first impression of me?
What’s your idea of a perfect date night?
How can we keep our relationship strong during tough times?
What’s one thing I do that makes you feel loved?
What’s something you wish I did more often?
How do you feel about public displays of affection?
What does emotional intimacy mean to you?
How do you handle disagreements, and what’s your preferred way of resolving conflicts?
What’s the best thing I’ve done for you?
What are some ways we can improve our communication?
What do you value most in a relationship?
How do you show love to the people closest to you?
What’s your love language? (e.g., words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, physical touch, quality time)
How do you feel most supported when you’re having a rough day?
What’s something you’ve learned about yourself from being in this relationship?
When did you know you were in love with me?
How do you prefer to communicate when something is bothering you?
What’s one thing I do that makes you feel appreciated?
How do you like to be shown affection?
Growth and Legacy
 What have we learned from past challenges in our relationship?
How have we grown as a couple since we first met?
What do you think is the next step for our relationship?
What values do we want to pass on to others––kids, friends, those we mentor?
How do we keep growing in the values we say are important to us?
Where do you see us in five years?
What are some of the top priorities for you in the next decade?
What are your thoughts on having children?
How would you like to raise children (if we decide to have any)?
What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?
What’s one thing you hope we’ll accomplish together as a couple?
Do you have any goals or dreams that you want me to support you in?
What do you want to achieve professionally, and how can I help you?
How would you like to spend our retirement years?
What’s something we can start doing now to make our future better?
What are your hopes for our future as a couple?
What do you imagine our life will be like when we’re older?
How do you feel about marriage (or lifelong commitment)?
What’s one thing you want to achieve together as a couple?
What are your dreams for the next decade of our relationship?
How do you envision spending holidays and vacations as a family?
Lighthearted Questions
 If we could travel anywhere in the world right now, where would you want to go?
What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve done or want to do?
What’s your favorite thing about me physically?
If we could take a week off work, how would you want to spend the time?
What’s the best meal I’ve ever cooked for you?
What’s your favorite type of music to listen to when you want to unwind?
What would your dream vacation look like?
What’s one activity you think we should try together?
If we could switch lives for a day, what do you think would surprise you most about my daily routine?
What’s your favorite thing to do on a lazy day together?
What’s a quirky habit you think we should embrace in our relationship?
If we could go on a spontaneous trip right now, where would we go?
What’s one thing that always makes you laugh when we’re together?
If you could pick any TV show or movie to watch with me, what would it be?
What’s a fun date idea you’ve always wanted to try?
If we had a theme song as a couple, what would it be?
What’s something silly you’d like to do together, just for fun?
If we could build a dream home together, what would it look like?
What’s your idea of a perfect date night?
What kind of activities do you enjoy doing together?
What are your favorite things to do on a weekend?
What’s one hobby you’d like to start or do more of?
What are some adventures you’d like to take together?
How do you feel about traveling, and where would you like to go together?
What movie, book, or TV show do you think we should watch together?
What was the most fun vacation we’ve taken so far?
If we could take a spontaneous trip anywhere, where would you want to go?
What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve done, and would you do it again with me?
What’s your favorite way to spend a Saturday together?
What are some activities or hobbies you’d like us to try together?
What was the best date we’ve ever had?
If we could go on a dream vacation together, where would we go?
What’s your favorite meal for us to share together?
What are your favorite memories from our time dating?
What’s one thing you want to try that we haven’t done yet?
How do you feel about surprises? Do you like them, or do you prefer to plan ahead?
What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?
What’s one thing I do that always makes you laugh?
How do you feel about surprises in our marriage?
What’s your favorite way to show affection?
What movie or book most represents our relationship?
If you could describe me in three words, what would they be?
What’s something you’ve always wanted to teach me?
What do you find most attractive about me, both physically and emotionally?
What’s the best gift I’ve ever given you?
How do you unwind after a long day, and how can I join you in that?
If you could spend an entire day with me, no distractions, what would we do?
 What is one thing you want to do for me to show you love today?
Personal Growth & Self-Awareness
What do you think is your greatest strength in our relationship?
What’s something you feel like you still need to work on as a person?
How do you prefer to be supported emotionally?
How do you handle stress, and how can I help you during those times?
What motivates you to be your best self?
How do you define success in your personal life?
What’s one habit you want to develop or break?
What are some things you do to recharge or take care of yourself?
How do you express love and affection, and do you think it’s the same as how I express it?
What’s your biggest fear in life, and how can I help you face it?
What’s a personal goal you’re currently working towards?
How do you handle stress or difficult emotions?
How do you envision your life in five years, both personally and professionally?
What’s one thing you’re most proud of achieving?
If you could master one new skill in a week, what would it be?
How do you define success in your life and in our relationship?
What motivates you to keep going when things get tough?
What’s one fear you have, and how do you think you could overcome it?
How do you deal with self-doubt?
How can I help you achieve your dreams and goals?
Money & Finances
How do you feel about budgeting and managing finances as a couple?
What’s your approach to saving and investing money?
Do you think we should have a joint bank account or keep separate ones?
How would you like to manage household expenses?
What are your thoughts on handling debt?
How do you feel about big financial purchases, like a house or car?
What’s your idea of financial stability?
How should we handle financial emergencies?
How important is financial security to you in our relationship?
What’s the best financial advice you’ve ever received?
How do you feel about the way we manage our finances?
How can we be better stewards of the resources God has given us?
What financial goals do you think we should prioritize as a couple?
How do you feel about tithing and giving to the church?
What do you think is the best way to manage a budget together?
How do you feel about debt and saving for the future?
How can we avoid financial stress in our marriage?
What is one thing we should do to improve our financial health?
How can we balance saving for the future with enjoying life now?
Spiritual Growth
How do you personally connect with God daily?
What Bible verse speaks to you the most right now?
How can we incorporate Bible study into our daily lives together?
Do you feel God’s presence in our relationship? How can we nurture that?
How can we pray for each other more effectively?
What role does prayer play in your relationship with God?
What spiritual practices would you like us to do together as a couple?
What does having a Christ-centered marriage look like to you?
How do you handle spiritual doubts or struggles?
How can we encourage each other in our individual spiritual journeys?
How can we keep God at the center of our decision-making as a couple?
What are some ways we can be a witness to others in our relationship?
How do you feel about sharing our faith with others?
How do you define forgiveness, and how can we practice it more in our marriage?
How can we deepen our trust in God together as a couple?
What does the concept of unconditional love mean to you, especially in the context of our faith?
How do you envision us growing spiritually in 5-10 years?
What role do you think gratitude plays in a marriage?
How do you handle spiritual disagreements, and how can we avoid conflict in this area?
How can we be intentional in showing compassion to others?
How can I pray for you today?
What Scripture has been encouraging you recently?
How do you like to spend time with God?
What does your relationship with Jesus mean to you?
What is your favorite Bible verse, and why?
How do you experience God’s presence in your life?
Do you feel like you’re growing in your faith? How so?
What spiritual disciplines do you want to grow in?
How can we support each other in our spiritual walk?
What is one thing God is teaching you right now?
What role does the church play in your life?
How do you feel about prayer in our marriage?
What do you believe is God’s purpose for our marriage?
How can we incorporate more Bible reading into our daily lives?
How does your faith influence the way you approach challenges?
What does forgiveness look like in your relationship with God?
What is the most impactful Christian book you’ve read?
How can we serve God together as a couple?
What does “Christian love” mean to you?Â
How can we practice being more patient with each other?
How can I be a better partner to you spiritually?
How do you feel about the idea of marriage from a biblical perspective?
How can we keep Christ at the center of our relationship?
What does unconditional love look like to you in marriage?
How do you feel about our roles as husband and wife in the context of Scripture?
Love Languages and Affection
What is your love language?
How can I show you love in a way that resonates with you?
What is something small that I can do daily to make you feel loved?
How do you like to show affection?
How important is physical touch to you?
What kind of compliments do you appreciate most?
How do you feel when I express appreciation for you?
How can I show you respect in our marriage?
What kind of surprise would make you feel special?
What does “being present” look like to you in a relationship?
How can we nurture our relationship physically and emotionally?
How often do you feel truly appreciated in our marriage?
What’s one thing I can do today to make you feel more loved?
Fears and Vulnerabilities
 What is one thing you’re afraid to share with me?
How can I create a safe space for you to share your fears?
What’s something you’ve been struggling with internally that I can help with?
How do you cope with feelings of insecurity or doubt?
What do you fear the most about our relationship?
How do you handle feelings of anxiety or stress, and how can I support you?
What is a vulnerability you feel we need to work on together?
How do you feel about being vulnerable in front of me?
What past hurts do you feel we still need to work through?
 What’s one thing that helps you feel more secure in our marriage?
Future Vision
What do you want our lives to look like in 5 years?
How do you imagine our marriage evolving as we grow older?
What are your hopes for us as parents, grandparents, or retirees?
What would you like to achieve together as a couple?
How do you see us serving together in ministry or community?
What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
How do you envision our relationship in our later years?
What kind of impact do you want our marriage to have on others?
What are some dreams you’ve had for our future that you haven’t shared yet?
How do we ensure we stay emotionally and spiritually connected in the long run?
General Thought-Provoking Questions
How do you define peace, and how can we cultivate more peace in our home?
What does the word "covenant" mean to you in relation to our marriage?
How can we better embody the love and patience of Christ in our marriage?
What do you think is the most important aspect of building a strong relationship?
How do you deal with stress or emotional burdens, and how can I support you in that?
How do you define joy in marriage?
What role does humor play in our relationship?
How do we handle the balance of being individuals and a couple?
What role do you think compromise plays in marriage?
How do you feel about the idea of “sacrifice” in a marriage?
Continue Building Connection
What do you think is our biggest strength as a couple?
How can we improve our relationship with God together?
What’s your ideal way to spend time together during tough seasons?
How can we challenge each other to grow in our faith?
How do you define spiritual leadership in a marriage?
How do we make time for spiritual growth amidst busy schedules?
What’s your favorite aspect of our home life together?
How do you feel about our work/life balance?
What are some fun, new activities we could try together?
What does “togetherness” look like to you?
Nothing is more important to the health of a marriage than ongoing investment and accountability. Thanks to Nancy and Mark for writing a guide that equips mentors and married couples with the tools to better understand one another and improve their all-important communication and connection!
